It's A Man's World: "The Ultimate Remote Control"
It's A Man's World: "The Ultimate Remote Control"
Ive got mine on order.
We Put The Fun In Fundamentalist.
-
Freewheelin'56
- Round Winner
- Posts: 377
- Joined: Sun Dec 21, 2003 7:02 pm
- Location: Toronto, Canada
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse."So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked."No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes." He addressed the man,"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own so does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton! )
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT!
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse."So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked."No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes." He addressed the man,"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own so does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton! )
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT!
Freewheelin'58 I want Goshdarn back!!
Great Googly Moogly
Great Googly Moogly
-
iceman
- Reverse Adjust Outside Corner Grinder
- Posts: 2448
- Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2004 9:54 am
- Location: Yorkshire, England. Quote: Its the fumes, they make one want to play
- Contact:
hehe matrox I already posted that pic in this thread (well almost the same !)
http://forums.armagetronad.net/viewtopic.php?t=2386
http://forums.armagetronad.net/viewtopic.php?t=2386
He who laughs last, probably has a back-up
sorry about the large animated gif
-
Walking Tree
- Match Winner
- Posts: 641
- Joined: Sun Jul 10, 2005 9:14 am
-
Freewheelin'56
- Round Winner
- Posts: 377
- Joined: Sun Dec 21, 2003 7:02 pm
- Location: Toronto, Canada
Men are like....Floor Tiles. If you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for years.
Men are like....Bank Accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.
Men are like....Blenders. You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
Men are like....Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head straight for your hips.
Men are like....Commercials. You can't believe a word they say.
Men are like.....Computers. Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
Men are like.....Coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
Men are like.....Copiers. You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.
Men are like.....Government Bonds. They take so long to mature.
Men are like.....High Heels. They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
Men are like......Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Men are like.....Lava Lamps. Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
Men are like.....Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like.......Parking Spots. The good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are handicapped or extremely small.
Men are like.......Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Men are like.......Snow Storms. You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long they will last.
Men are like......Used Cars. Both are easy to get, cheap, and unreliable.
Men are like......Newborn babies. They're cute at first, but you get tired of cleaning up their crap.
Men are like......Crystal. Some look real good, but you can still see right through them.
Men are like......Laxatives. They irritate the shit out of you!
Men are like....Bank Accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.
Men are like....Blenders. You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
Men are like....Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head straight for your hips.
Men are like....Commercials. You can't believe a word they say.
Men are like.....Computers. Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
Men are like.....Coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
Men are like.....Copiers. You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.
Men are like.....Government Bonds. They take so long to mature.
Men are like.....High Heels. They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
Men are like......Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Men are like.....Lava Lamps. Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
Men are like.....Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like.......Parking Spots. The good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are handicapped or extremely small.
Men are like.......Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Men are like.......Snow Storms. You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long they will last.
Men are like......Used Cars. Both are easy to get, cheap, and unreliable.
Men are like......Newborn babies. They're cute at first, but you get tired of cleaning up their crap.
Men are like......Crystal. Some look real good, but you can still see right through them.
Men are like......Laxatives. They irritate the shit out of you!
Freewheelin'58 I want Goshdarn back!!
Great Googly Moogly
Great Googly Moogly