Elmo

[Jonathan]

I can't say I really knew Elmo (let alone how to describe him with one word), but I do wish to offer my condolences.

[Z-Man]

Family.

I did not know him very well. Or at all. But that's how it feels right now. Condolences also from Sibila (Z-Wife).

[Phytotron]

I've reserved comment to this point since I didn't know 'Elmo' at all, waiting for those who did to make their contributions. I too will just say that his family has my condolences.

[Vogue]

No, I don't mean we shouldn't praise Elmo or his legacy, just that to me, a real eulogy can't consist of one word and that we all should try to learn something out of this, if possible - and in order to accomplish that, one should not even begin to construct an icon, but try to remember the human. I can't help thinking that what happened to him could happen to any of us (didn't you ever wonder how many of the players here had issues they didn't want to talk about, or happen to be vulnerable in ways you never imagined? I'm trying to lay out my own thought process here...to paraphrase what Overrated said on Orion's blog, shouldn't we ask ourselves if there was anything we could have done? Is that question always unanswerable? I don't know the answer, but that question is relevant to me, as I was critical of him as well, and I think it's right to ask it - I know this doesn't apply to everyone here) - if I had to predict something like this for every player I know, he would have been on the bottom of the list. Yes, he was sweet, engaged and dedicated - and all this praise, as rightful as it is, makes his loss only more depressing, together with this question that will probably remain forever unanswered.

uh, you rarely ever make sense to me but yes we should learn something from this. it's cool, all these nice things being said about elmo, but were they said TO him when he was alive? doubtful. we need to say things to people, be more open about our feelings and worry less about what others may think of it.

it's good that we're saying nice things and remembering him, but he is dead now. he won't read any of these things.

[sinewav]

...shouldn't we ask ourselves if there was anything we could have done? Is that question always unanswerable?

Could any of us, or all of us combined, prevented his death? The sad truth is, probably not. I don't know enough about Andrew to say for certain his death was the result of overwhelming grief, but on more than one occasion I was aware of a deep melancholy surrounding him. I have no doubt that Andrew was completely aware of how much people cared about him. I believe the good feelings he got from this community were a big reason he was so committed to helping out. Would he be that engaged if we were all a bunch of bullies to him? No.

I suspect Andrew had such a deep caring about the world that he felt overwhelmed and powerless despite his efforts to make it better. This is conjecture for sure, but it makes sense to me given what I know of him. What I'll never know (none of us will) is the nature of the internal conflict that was his undoing. Even people who love freely and who are loved themselves can feel a deep sense of dread and dissatisfaction in life. It is an existential problem no one has solved.

We need to say things to people, be more open about our feelings and worry less about what others may think of it.

Fortunately for you Vogue, you have no trouble telling others how you feel about them without caring what they think, haha. But seriously, you have a good point.

There is a therapy that involves writing eulogies about people who are alive as if they had passed. The practice helps the writer see the goodness in others. It is often used in relationship counseling. I am not suggesting we all write eulogies to each other, but maybe, when you are in a server, take a few seconds to mentally write a eulogy for everyone in it, even the players you hate. Maybe for a few moments this will make the game a little friendlier, and that is always a good thing.

[syllabear]

Absolutely gutted by this news. Hopefully everyone can take something from Elmo's attitude towards others that he displayed in the game.

[Word]

Thanks for that reply, that helped me to sort my thoughts.

There is a therapy that involves writing eulogies about people who are alive as if they had passed. The practice helps the writer see the goodness in others. It is often used in relationship counseling. I am not suggesting we all write eulogies to each other, but maybe, when you are in a server, take a few seconds to mentally write a eulogy for everyone in it, even the players you hate. Maybe for a few moments this will make the game a little friendlier, and that is always a good thing.

Our entire class had to do something like that once and it was a catastrophe for me. We all got a sheet of paper asking everyone to write what he likes the most about us, and the girl I idolized wrote "nothing" on the sheet of my best friend (they both didn't like one another ever, it wasn't really surprising) and he wrote the same back (I forgot who started, perhaps it was him - it doesn't matter).
So I changed what I wrote on her page ("Everything"/"Alles") to something absurd because I didn't know how else to disguise what I wrote earlier ("Deine Aussprache"/"Your pronounciation"), and after the correction my handwriting looked terrible as well. I guess the conclusion is that, if you hate someone or want to be different, better don't write anything at all.
The reason for this was that we had a guy who was easy to provoke (let me make this clear - he was totally different from Elmo and often said he hated the whole world) so some people did that. One day they filmed his reaction to some shit they said to him, where he went off and beat them up badly. A few years earlier he got his arm broken after someone "talked" to him, nobody really knew who started the fight. After that incident, I tried to defend him once (which felt right at that time but was ultimately pointless, because I later learned that both sides were equally at fault), and as a result, I was a target myself for a few days, then they just took the guy who defended me (and is now a Christian fundamentalist...which makes me feel lucky in comparison). But the incident they filmed was different, because nobody really knew what had happened. It wasn't like the whole class tolerated the bullying (my friends also didn't), but we all had to do this anti-violence training - and the four people who caused this mess left the school in the next year anyway. Everything just seemed like a big injustice to the rest of us so it wasn't going to work from the start. It also didn't help the guy who was bullied (I still believe he's a time bomb), or changed the people who bullied him (I still believe they're idiots). It was a bit like a Coen-Brothers movie, just less entertaining and more depressing, all protagonists being arrogant brats and a predictable outcome.

[PokeMaster]

There is a therapy that involves writing eulogies about people who are alive as if they had passed. The practice helps the writer see the goodness in others. It is often used in relationship counseling. I am not suggesting we all write eulogies to each other, but maybe, when you are in a server, take a few seconds to mentally write a eulogy for everyone in it, even the players you hate. Maybe for a few moments this will make the game a little friendlier, and that is always a good thing.

I've actually done this, just to myself, quite a few times. Just with those I'm close to (friends, family), but I've found it to be a really good way to appreciate the relationships I have in my life. Also incredibly uplifting, but that may be a reflection of me and not the therapy.