Status update

What do you want to see in Armagetron soon? Any new feature ideas? Let's ponder these ground breaking ideas...
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Lucifer
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Status update

Post by Lucifer »

Someone recently requested more frequent status updates, and they're obviously not Facebook friends with me.

So here we go.

I checked my suicidal kid into the hospital a few days ago. Today, I spoke to her doctor, and he is going to file an Order of Protective Custody. That means he's going to take her away from me, temporarily. The reason is that she needs to go into the state hospital, because Texas is a ****** up place. I have very mixed feelings about this situation, and I'm not going to go into them here. I expressed those feelings to him, and also to a few other people (I have friend in Child Protective Services. We've been investigated a few times, and found that we haven't abused Durf or anybody else).

I mentioned awhile ago that my job had ended, the business closed, and that I was going to focus on my kid who's determined to destroy herself. I'm doing that, I've been doing that, and man, it takes a lot of time.

So that's my update. My kid is still trying to kill herself, possibly with the help of Armagetron trolls, and now I'm in danger of losing custody of her completely, but by doing so she may be in a better place.

So that's the update that we've all been tasked with giving. Z-man? Tank Program? Epsy? Anybody?
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Re: Status update

Post by Word »

Hey Lucifer, has your kid ever read "My Left Foot" by Christy Brown? Although I never attempted suicide, having read that book really helped me through the rather dark phases of my teenage years.
Armagetron trolls
Ugh. Can the rest of us do something about those?

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Z-Man
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Re: Status update

Post by Z-Man »

Something that seems to be quite popular and effective around these parts for kids with all kinds of mental health problems are proper vacations. Get the kids away from home for a bit (at home, they're constantly reminded of their problems), let them swim with the dolphins or some other new age stuff. Horses are apparently splendid, too. Dunno, you probably know best.

All's reasonably well here. Job is steady. Big Clients who are Always Right because they keep the company afloat are still annoying sometimes. They always want new things and that nothing changes. Just like here, basically :) Often enough, I get do do cool stuff.

Z-Girl turned five last week. Yay! She's doing fine, her toys are overflowing the house. The only small health problem she has is that she's not gaining weight as quickly as one would like, still in the green though. Kindergarden is partly to blame for that, the conditions there are far from ideal and she does not get enough time to eat (she's a very slow eater). School is now barely a year away, that should fix some things.
Also, she now really consistently skips the afternoon naps, which finally stabilized her bedtimes to 10-11 PM. I'm still consitently too tired or burned out to do anyhing meaningful after the chores are taken care of, but at least I managed to play some videogames. And watch some TV. Though that mostly with Z-Girl. Man, kids have it good these days. Not only are the current shows for kids much better than I remember them being, we had to watch what was on or nothing. And man, what crap that sometimes was. Now? We've got Amazon Prime and a PVR with a 2 TB hard drive. We're never running out of the good stuff. She'll still take fancy to some crap sometimes, but that passes. Probably should post in the "what you're watching" thread.

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Re: Status update

Post by sinewav »

Z-Man wrote:Man, kids have it good these days. Not only are the current shows for kids much better than I remember them being, we had to watch what was on or nothing.
I'll agree. Several weeks ago I was watching my friend's 7-year-old daughter while he took care of a work emergency. She had permission to stream kids shows on Netflix. I watched that My Little Pony show for the first time I must admit it is really well done. Same thing with some of the ones put out by Disney (as much as I hate that company). I think producers understand that good writing helps create better brand loyalty. Get those kids emotionally invested and they will pass that brand down to their kids for generations.

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Lucifer
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Re: Status update

Post by Lucifer »

Word wrote:Hey Lucifer, has your kid ever read "My Left Foot" by Christy Brown? Although I never attempted suicide, having read that book really helped me through the rather dark phases of my teenage years.
Armagetron trolls
Ugh. Can the rest of us do something about those?
Sorry for any misunderstanding about my troll comment, I was pointing out that internet trolls have gone after her in their trolling, and it has resulted in several suicide attempts (which she denies now because she wants internet access again), and that asshat trolls like that exist here. It was meant in sort of a PSA thing.

And yes, there is something everybody can do about these trolls. Make the internet a toxic place for them. Offer help and solace to their victims. Band together and make the world a dangerous place for that kind of bad behavior.

As for the book, I just read the wikipedia article you linked. I don't think she's read it. I'm not so sure it would even be helpful for her, to be honest. She's been (finally) diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. That's like one of the worst mental illnesses you can get, and is often more terminal than major depressive disorder. Short of turning delusional (which is a risk with BPD), it really doesn't get much worse. Add to it a solid possibility of Gender Dysphoria and it's somewhat amazing she's lived as long as she has, really.
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Lucifer
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Re: Status update

Post by Lucifer »

Z-Man wrote:Something that seems to be quite popular and effective around these parts for kids with all kinds of mental health problems are proper vacations. Get the kids away from home for a bit (at home, they're constantly reminded of their problems), let them swim with the dolphins or some other new age stuff. Horses are apparently splendid, too. Dunno, you probably know best.
They call that horse thing Equine Therapy. In several of the mental hospitals around here, they do Pet Therapy where volunteers bring in their Really Nice Pets and let the kids interact with them. She tells me that's helpful and fun, and if we could afford a pet deposit and the ongoing health care costs, we'd definitely get a cat or something.
Z-Girl turned five last week. Yay! She's doing fine, her toys are overflowing the house. The only small health problem she has is that she's not gaining weight as quickly as one would like, still in the green though. Kindergarden is partly to blame for that, the conditions there are far from ideal and she does not get enough time to eat (she's a very slow eater). School is now barely a year away, that should fix some things.
Also, she now really consistently skips the afternoon naps, which finally stabilized her bedtimes to 10-11 PM. I'm still consitently too tired or burned out to do anyhing meaningful after the chores are taken care of, but at least I managed to play some videogames. And watch some TV. Though that mostly with Z-Girl. Man, kids have it good these days. Not only are the current shows for kids much better than I remember them being, we had to watch what was on or nothing. And man, what crap that sometimes was. Now? We've got Amazon Prime and a PVR with a 2 TB hard drive. We're never running out of the good stuff. She'll still take fancy to some crap sometimes, but that passes. Probably should post in the "what you're watching" thread.
Heh, forget how spoiled the kids are, I'm getting downright spoiled. My kid has access to her mom's Netflix account, so we stream that. I've got a new Mythbuntu 16.04 box hooked up to the TV (biggest screen I've ever owned). Sinewav sent me a NAS that I configured in a RAID 5 array, and it has about 700GB of space on it. He sent me several other hard drives that'll double the amount of space I have. So naturally I've got every single Star Trek episode and movie at my fingertips. The Greatest American Hero, Sledgehammer (actually, that's on my phone, I haven't gotten around to putting it on the NAS). I'm still a bit behind technologically because I don't have bluray, and my computers are still all 32-bit (but my phone and tablet are both 64-bit, heh. I have more computer in my pocket than I have on my desk top), but man oh man. I've almost finished downloading Columbo (from a legal download site, of course, just don't ask me where I found it), so we've been Peter Falking our evenings away.

Now, if I can find the motivation to start writing my own MythTV plugins, I'll have some downright badass stuff going on on my TV. If that happens, expect Armagetron to get some configuration support for XBox360 controllers.
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Re: Status update

Post by Ratchet »

Lucifer wrote:if we could afford a pet deposit and the ongoing health care costs, we'd definitely get a cat or something.
If you could do some research and give an idea of how much that would cost, I'd be willing to at least chip in a little. I'm sure some other kind souls could spare a few bucks towards the pot as well.
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Re: Status update

Post by Light »

You should look into local rescues and see about fostering a dog or cat(s). They often provide food and medical, with the requirement that you take them when necessary, and sometimes litter, though not a huge investment there since a litter box is almost always provided if needed.

The only downside to fostering is that there comes a time where you have to let them go onto a new family so you can help save another animal. It's tough, but worth it. Just not sure how bad that may be in your case.

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Re: Status update

Post by Word »

Lucifer wrote:As for the book, I just read the wikipedia article you linked. I don't think she's read it. I'm not so sure it would even be helpful for her, to be honest. She's been (finally) diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. That's like one of the worst mental illnesses you can get, and is often more terminal than major depressive disorder. Short of turning delusional (which is a risk with BPD), it really doesn't get much worse. Add to it a solid possibility of Gender Dysphoria and it's somewhat amazing she's lived as long as she has, really.
Then I'd still recommend it (considering her other issues perhaps even more so, because it's mostly about Brown's difficulties to accept that he'll never be a "normal", healthy person, culminating in the realization that he doesn't have to be). The wikipedia article just gives you a summary of the plot, it only hints at what is going on inside of Brown (obviously I can only speak for myself, there's one particular scene where he's about to jump out of a window that made a lasting impression on me at the time because of its honesty). The book also tells the story of his parents - a mother who gives him all the love she can give and a father who is at first ashamed of having a handicapped son and slowly begins to embrace his role. Maybe you read it yourself first and then decide if it's suitable.

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Re: Status update

Post by Clutch »

-edit- Nevermind
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Lucifer
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Re: Status update

Post by Lucifer »

I could guess a lot of it. :) Back in middle school and early high school, I hung out with the special ed kids, including one with cerebral palsy.

I'm not saying it won't be helpful to her, and I may buy a copy of it and drop it off for her (if she's allowed books in the state hospital). I'm just thinking most of those themes, she's already moved past. Like, the whole part where she's always going to have suicidal feelings periodically, she's just about where she's accepting them. Getting rid of them permanently is still a motivation for a suicide attempt, though, because accepting they'll always be there and wanting them gone only adds up to dying. That's hard logic to argue with.

The step she needs to take is the one where she doesn't make the suicide attempt, and doesn't call the cops or go to the hospital to avoid it. That's the hardest step, granted, and she is the poster child of the lazy teenager (being a teenager is more of a liability right now, unfortunately), but it's a step that only she can take. I can't take it for her, and she can't be forced to do it. In all other ways, she's ready to move forward with her life. She hasn't cut herself in several months (the longest period of her life since she started cutting herself), she's doing things to move forward and increase her quality of life. It's that last mile that she's having trouble with. If she can get through a suicidal phase without a suicide attempt (I'd accept a failed suicide attempt as long as there's no hospital visit, at least for a first time), the other things will start falling into place for her. There will still be a lot of work for her, but her hard work won't be threatened by throwing it all out the window with another hospital visit.

And she hasn't come close to even accepting that part. She's showing addiction symptoms where hospital visits are concerned, and that's a lot harder to deal with. She doesn't even need a suicide attempt anymore to get into the hospital, she just has to tell the right person at the right time that she's thinking about it.
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Re: Status update

Post by |Phantom~Rider| »

Not what I meant; however, if you wanna try something out for your daughter, there is this approach called the Linden Method.

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Lucifer
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Re: Status update

Post by Lucifer »

Ratchet wrote:
Lucifer wrote:if we could afford a pet deposit and the ongoing health care costs, we'd definitely get a cat or something.
If you could do some research and give an idea of how much that would cost, I'd be willing to at least chip in a little. I'm sure some other kind souls could spare a few bucks towards the pot as well.
I'm ignoring the Linden Method guy.

Here's the thing. If we adopt an animal (we'll go to a shelter, not an animal breeding house like a pet store), we'll be making a 10-15 year commitment. Longer, if we're lucky. In those 10-15 years, that's when the health care expenses add up. We'll have to be able to cover those. We don't know if we'll be able to. Things could change, but as it stands, we can't make the commitment. There would be an animal's life at stake.

Even if you, and several other people, are willing to pitch in to cover *now* expenses, where are you going to be in 10 years? I see how the forums are going, and if I were to make a 10 year prediction, I don't know that I'd predict they'll even still be operable. I can't ask, nor expect (regardless of what anybody says), that anybody who throws in a few dollars now will be there in 10 years to cover a major pet-oriented expense.

And since my kid turns 18 in a few months (December), I can't even guarantee she'll stick around and continue her relationship with the pet.

So, obviously, I have to decline the offer. I appreciate that you're willing to step up and do something, that really means a lot to me (and it'll mean a lot to her when I tell her about it, which I will).

Now, I get that there are certain ethical lines that are questionable. Maybe we could take an animal for a few years and give it a good life, and then fail to provide it a better life, and it's better than being euthinased (sp?), which would happen if we don't take the animal. I get that there's a lot of grey area here. The thing that anchors me is that I have to be able to commit to a certain standard of living. Now, you ask, why did I have kids when I couldn't do that? Simple: The state picks up the bill. The state makes sure they have healthcare, even if it bankrupts the parents. But they don't do that for animals. They'd rather kill them.

I've been in my darkest hour here, on these forums, contemplating suicide, not knowing what to do next with myself. I've been there. Lots of people gave emotional support, and I'm quite grateful for that. Probably why I'm still alive these 8 years later. When it came to money to keep me off the streets, only one person offered help, a clanboy, of all things. Others offered help piecemeal over a period of time (I don't hate Luke-Jr anymore...., and there's nsh22). I appreciate that. None offered enough to rescue me, or to provide for my kids. There's no reason to believe the situation has changed now. The forums are smaller, fewer visitors. Sure, more dedicated people are sticking around. No contest on that.

But nobody that can really help me ensure I can take care of a pet for 10-15 years, when the person who's supposed to benefit from it is about to turn 18. If she were still 12, or even 14, I'd be all over this, after raising these same concerns. But as it stands, whatever pet I could get right now, she could be out of here a year from now, and I'm left with the pet, and you're left without the reason you were willing to support the pet in the first place.

I'm cynical, but I thought it would be worth saying what was on my mind. I obviously have to decline. She might turn 18 while still in the state hospital, after all.
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Re: Status update

Post by Word »

Lucifer wrote:Getting rid of them permanently is still a motivation for a suicide attempt, though, because accepting they'll always be there and wanting them gone only adds up to dying. That's hard logic to argue with.
Well, what I meant was that many people tend to remember the painful episodes of their life better than their happier moments. It's a commonplace that joy and pain alternate and one of the two couldn't really be appreciated without having been preceded/followed by the other. I know from my own experience that it looks different if your psychological/physical disposition tells you the whole time that your life sucks, and what I found most helpful was simply acknowledging that it stays that way if I don't begin to change things myself, as long as they are within my own ability to do so (I started small by changing my nutrition, trying to get better grades again etc. - in short, doing things that gave me a purpose which made everything bad look less important), and at the same time accept that I can't change everything, to be more conscious of the better, fulfilling and cherishable days, be hopeful for the results and not too disappointed if anything doesn't work out as planned. I don't know if any of that is useful advice to your kid (or yourself), but I thought it wouldn't hurt writing about it. Of course, it's easier to say all this than to actually do it. Logic/rationality that only takes one's current state into account and excludes the possibility that people can change themselves and be happy thanks to what they make out of their life isn't a good advisor in that situation*, IMO.

*probably a Catholic thing. I wrote that whole post without religion in mind though.

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Re: Status update

Post by Z-Man »

Oh hey, this may be interesting, turned up in my newsfeed today. Original:
http://m.spiegel.de/schulspiegel/leben/ ... referrrer=
Horrible google translate version:
https://translate.google.com/translate? ... 89969.html
The gist is that it's a story about a man born girl who, before fully realizing his transsexual nature, was suicidal and showed symptoms of Borderline Syndrome. Apparently, he's now better. So maybe, if your suspicions about your kid's transsexality are correct, getting that to the surface solves the other problems?
Of course, maybe you're just projecting. I don't know your kids and am not a doctor of any kind, so I can't rule that out. And that case, pushing her would make things worse. And if the doctors are already reasonably certain it's really Borderline, it probably is. Optimism!

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